I Believed I was Crazy! (continued)
One morning, after the office holiday party, I woke up with a massive hangover next to my boyfriend who looked at me with complete disgust. My antics or "adventures" as I liked to call them, just weren't cute anymore. I knew I had to do something; I wasn't going to remain alone for the rest of my life because I couldn't drink. I knew a woman who was sober and happy about it so I reached out and asked for help. That was almost 7 years ago.
At first I was so scared. I didn't know what to do with myself and I had absolutely no idea of who I was or what I was capable of. I had hated myself for so long I was sure everyone else felt the same way. Little by little I began to open my eyes and realize people weren't nearly as obsessed with me as I thought, in fact they were coping or struggling just like I was. I found this very comforting... I am not alone. I have a place I can go, every day if I want, where I am accepted and where I have learned to participate. I am not insane and I am not a bad person. I am an alcoholic and so I do whatever I need to do to stay sober. I laugh, cry, play, dance and walk through all that life has to offer without regret. I have friendships based on trust, love and service. I belong.
There is nothing special about me. I am a garden-variety drunk who has been given a gift and to keep it, I must also give it away. Life doesn't change... we do. We've got nothing to lose.
Maria, 39
New York City